When explaining why we didn’t take on a certain challenge, a common answer is that we lacked self-confidence. This lack of belief in ourselves can hinder us from venturing into new experiences, embracing exciting opportunities, meeting new people, and pursuing our dreams.
The Quest for Confidence
Many of us carry childhood experiences of criticism, insecurity, neglect, or a lack of acknowledgment from caretakers or peers. These experiences often resulted in feelings of shame, low self-worth, and diminished confidence. Consequently, we internalized these wounds, leading to a trauma that eroded our belief in our own abilities.
Nevertheless, the desire for confidence persists. We yearn to regain what was lost. Who wouldn’t want to feel confident? This is why, as adults, we naturally look for self-confidence outside ourselves. We develop an attraction to confidence, seeking it out in potential partners, friends, coworkers, etc. Projecting the lost confidence on them.
Now, as adults we are trying to find back the lost confidence.
As adults, we strive to reclaim our lost confidence, even if we have never truly witnessed or experienced it. We lack role models who embody genuine confidence. We search not only for healthy versions of confidence in other people, we will feel attraction to dysfunctional forms of confidence as well. So we end up guessing and looking for it desperately outside of ourselves.
Society often defines confidence superficially, linking it primarily to material success and confidence is often linked to arrogant, selfish or narcissistic traits. But it can simply mean to be grounded in our bodies, being daring, acceptant of our mistakes if we fail and not give a damn what other people think of us. What is your definition of being a confident person? Write it down to find out.
In my experience, people are less attracted to insecurity for the above reason. But look again…
The Gift of Insecurity
Lack of confidence is a gift because insecure people are often open to more possibilities, they double check, try harder, think outside of the box. They are more likely to be objective, go an extra mile, doubt their skills which can lead to remarkable results.
This attentive nature can lead to remarkable results. It may even be lifesaving. But sometimes, it can be detrimental. When we find the sweet spot, our lack of self-confidence becomes a gift.
Have you even met a person that was so sure of himself, his knowledge and yet things didn’t go well? Or, a person that was not able to see their qualities/talents and self worth?
As long as u can unfreeze some pieces of this insecurity, and let the insecurity guide you, not take over you have an enormous gift.
Embracing Vulnerability
Lack of confidence is a gift because we learn to be vulnerable. The vulnerability is part of our confidence. We are just not able to see it through the filter of perceiving ourselves as valueless.
Often we try to hide our low confidence, our mistakes and weaknesses. But acknowledging parts of us that feel insecure goes a long way. Acknowledging that these parts hold a gift of objectivity, sensitivity, creativity and eventually true confidence.
Healing Wounded Parts
We can learn to embrace parts of us we despise. We also can learn to work with parts that are hurting and get to know ourselves better. If the lack of self-confidence is holding you back, remember how much fun would it be if we all show our unperfected selves and hold the non-judgmental space for each other? Then our uniqueness could come out and we can be more ourselves. If you wish to work on your confidence, book a 1:1 session with me.